Solomon or School?

As Lance has done all of the previous posts, I feel compelled to finally put my "two cents worth" in.  Or maybe I now have a few minutes to spare because my last day of teaching English before the holidays was yesterday.


I have been asking myself lately: why am I teaching english anyway?


I do enjoy teaching for the following reasons (not necessarily in order of importance):


1. It keeps my mind from going into a two-year olds world and staying there permanently. Maybe I am afraid If I went in - i would never come out it. I feel that I would be a mother who could no longer function in meaningful adult conversation anymore. at least right now I am forced to keep myself mentally alert by finding the answers to questions, preparing non-boring lesson plans and continuously researching better ways in which I can present this complex language to english learners.


2. It helps me to remember who I was before I had children. who exactly was that, again?  Why do I feel so different?  Maybe I haven't changed - I just think i have.  I am on the inside looking out, but i need the view from the outside - looking on.  of course that means that i have a biased perspective on the subject, and i need constructive criticism.  but who do i have - Lance?  He has to live with me after his critique - and that may not be easy for him after he speaks freely.  I need someone who knew me 10 BC (10 years before children). Any takers?


3. It gives me the opportunity to help someone else survive more easily in this country.
I can't imagine having to go to china because of Lance's job, and having to survive in that country without family or friends.  Also on top of that, the language, cultural and social barriers of living in what seems to be a very strange world.  I don't know if I could do as well as some of my students are doing.


Why am I questioning the reasons why i am teaching?  Because - i am torn with guilt.  i might as well be honest.  I am torn between being the perfect mother for Solomon and continuing the "teacher" side of my life that I love almost as well.  What is a mother-teacher to do?  Does it have to be one or the other?  or can I do both?  I have been trying to do both,  but now - solomon's potty-training is looming over my head.  his needs are becoming more important and i feel like i have to choose between the two.


Any advice anyone?  I know i am not the first mother to go through this guilt, and certainly not the last.  I need help!  help!


Other than this - I am great, thanks!